If at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!

First, I would like to invite you to visit the Full House and Full Hearts blog. This is the story of a family who is in the process of adopting their 11th child, Solomon, who is HIV+ and from Ethiopia. They have an amazing story of faith and I hope that you will visit the blog, and if you feel lead to do so, give to their worthy cause.

Second, I want to share some great pictures of my kids all dressed up and heading to the homecoming dance. Okay, only one of my kids is dressed up. Oh, alright, only one went to the homecoming dance, too.

I think Seth thinks his sister is pretty, what do you think?


Here is Taylor and her friend, Renida.

Seth and I spent a quiet evening at home as everyone headed out to the dance (James is chaperoning). Well, okay, the truth is that they left and Seth went to bed...

While Renida was here, we had an interesting development. Seth was extremely tired by the time she arrived and everyone was ready to go. So, for about 30 minutes prior to and as they left, Seth was glued to my hip. For those that have not spent anytime around Seth, you should know that in general he does not go to strangers. He prefers Mom or Dad and will go to you once he gets to know you. There really has never been an exception until tonight: his first reaction when he met Renida was to go towards her and away from me. They left almost as soon as Renida arrived, so I never really had a chance to see where he was going with this, but it did get me thinking.

He has been around few black people since we have been home (we live in a rural area that has just recently started becoming more diverse), but in hindsight, they have all been men or children. None of them have been girls close to the age of the nanny that he was so attached to in Ethiopia. Was Seth drawn to Renida because she reminded him of his nanny? I suppose it is possible, but that isn't really what is bothering me tonight. I feel guilty.

Whenever asked, I am constantly telling people that Seth has adjusted so well that "it is as if he has always been here." And for us, this is true. In the last few weeks I have given hardly any thought to the people he left behind and how his memories are probably fading. He has attached to us so well that I have never even considered that he still misses his nanny and would like to be near her again. This is painful for me to type because there is a very small selfish part of me wants him to ONLY love me and ONLY miss me when I leave. That is not easy to admit, but it is true. It is so conflicting to selfishly wish your child had only loved you, yet at the same time pray that they never truly lose all the memories of the people that he loved before he met you. I really do wish that he would never lose those memories, but he will. That is sad for me, and it will be for him someday, too.

I debated with myself on whether or not I should post this. It is so tempting to only post the happy stuff when you are home with this beautiful child that you have been waiting and waiting for so long. But you know what? You will be sad sometimes after you are home... That is normal.